I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
