operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
