How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
