I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
