Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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