peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
