Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
