Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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