The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
