Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
