So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
