i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
