And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
