I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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