the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
