After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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