I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize