Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize