We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
