when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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