I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
