my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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