my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
