Where is the hickey?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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