nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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