i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
