he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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