oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
God, I missed his penis.
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