Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
