Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
