he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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