No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
