Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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