You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
