My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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