Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
40s are totally the cure
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
