If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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