went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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