you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
