The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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