"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
