here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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