my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
