I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
