I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
