I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
