that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
