areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Panties = found
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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