dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
