I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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