she told me i tasted like america
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize