I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
