Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
