apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
