yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
