Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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