don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
