im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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