Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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