Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
