ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
