i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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