Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
