Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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