dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My ATM looks so different sober.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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