To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
