Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
