covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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