I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am available for nakedness
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
