Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
