You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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