Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
