I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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