I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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