I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
