STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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