why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
